The science of hunger and the stupid act of dieting

I’ve been reading Intuitive Eating now and have new insights to share, yesterday was though, one of these days you go to different supermarkets to buy crap because you don’t want the employees to judge you. I hate that I forgot why I stopped dieting in the first place, I had my weight back on track and was not overeating anymore, but this time I feel even more secure about recovery and I will be glad to share my story with you.

So let’s do this, I want to see if I get it right: every type of food converses itself into ATP, it doesn’t matter if it is protein or carbohydrate. ATP, as you know, is energy. The primary source of this energy are carbohydrates, which are storaged in the liver as glucose, this source lasts for about 3-6 hours, as this source gets used, the neuropeptide Y is produced for you to feel hunger and restore carbohydrate needs. This all happens in the hunger center of your brain: the hypothalamus. When you restrict your diet of the fuel it seeks, this neuropeptide increases more and more untill you have so much you’ll eat a lot more once you let it flow. It’s not the fault of will-power, it is your brain working! In fact, you probrably have too much will-power since you have resisted this neuropeptide action long enough so you have too much of them and need to overeat!

This is true to the reason you binge by restrictions in your diet, remember that if you eat normally when not bingeing this won’t explain it. What will explain is the habit your brain has, and you must not blame your body or anything for the binge, and this is good because you know there is no excuse and you can just observe your thoughts and the binge will go away. So you don’t want to confuse these both kind of binges, yesterday I got confused because I was eating regularly and wanted to binge. I made the wrong approach: I told myself it was a biologically driven urge, and that was an excuse so I couldn’t control so I didn’t even try! If I were on diet I think I could have made this excuse as not to feel guilty, because it would be true: it would be my body answering to the stupid act of dieting. So it was an apprenticeship, it is always good to think about your binge and search for the learning whitin them. From this last one I looked back and learned in praxis this distinction between bio reactive binge and habit binge.

I’m also a little anxious about my recovery, I want that liberty again. But I was relieved to find out some data: Peter Herman and Janet Polivy, psychologists experts in hunger, explain that once you diet you get hunger atrophy, that means you get detached from hunger and can only feel it in extrems as when you did when dieting, that is the reason why it is so hard for me to eat only when I’m hungry, I don’t know when I’m hungry, luckily this effect is conversible so it is all about finding your hunger! (And that comes with time and normal eating) In fact, another study with deprivation of food, discovered that those individuals who began to overeat after the restrictive diet took an average of 5 months to recover their normal eating.

A little image of a recipe I made last week 🙂

Source: Intuitive Eating (must read!)

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“When I was a child it was like I was in drugs all the time”

That was what I heard from a friend of mine last week and for some reason it keeps coming back at me. Yesterday I dreamed that was taking MDMA, the one that goes on ecstasy but purer, it had something to do with getting that good feeling once again. In psychology, mostly psychoanalysis, it is accepted that we humans will forever crave for happiness or whatever you may call the comfort feeling you had when younger, and that this feeling will never be obtained, the circle of perpetual desire. But one thing I am sure: I got this feeling from MDMA once, it wasn’t a crazy extreme feeling of excitement, I just felt really at peace for more than one minute, actually it lasted several hours, I even said to my friend “I’m feeling good the way I haven’t been for too long”. So taking this drug made me remember how I used to feel and how I should feel, but that was no excuse for taking it all the time, not even close, I was determined to pursuit that as a normal state, I thought it was only fair to live at peace. As you can see, I refuse to accept the current belief that happiness would be forever outside reach, it was like that before I first tried MDMA and it just got stronger after. I have only used that drug 3 times and don’t have any cravings for more, so I’m not creating excuses to use it more times since what I aim for is to feel the way the drug reminded me I can feel but without it.  Maybe this is what people mean by all the different worlds drugs make it possible for us to see, it takes us away from the automatic states and routines we don’t even realize to put ourselves into, makes us see different.  

Now I don’t really know where to find it, deep inside there is this belief, this core certainty that I will be happy one day. Maybe this assurance comes from me knowing I don’t really ask for much, I don’t want a constant feeling of joy and pleasure, that vicious excitement of drugs, I just want peace. We may be broken by our youths, traumatic frustrations gave way to our restless souls but we still exist, and forever in this existence, we hold a self that is capable of anything that sees as an impossibility, because it is there somewhere to be seen, we just have to find the place.